What's with men and flatulence?

[Abutterfly]

Okay.. so here I am. I have had a long two months with my dad having a stroke and my life being turned upside down. I have just about seen it all and heard it all and smelled it all!!! So, my dad is doing much better. He has been home for about 4 weeks. He is walking pretty good and the arm.. well, that is slow but very hopeful.
My dad now (so he SAYS) doesn't have total control of his bodily functions... :redface:

It's funny, when he TELLS me that, he quick sneaks a glance at my nephew and they chuckle... why is someone "blasting the cheese" just so funny? urple: To some people, anyway.

So I have been reprimanding him about this flatulence "problem". (giggle giggle) I said "Dad, you can't just DO that!" It's totally rude (dad looks at Michael urple: ) DAD! Are you listening?! People do NOT want to be around people that .. it's just inappropriate! You can at LEAST excuse yourself! " Dad says Yeah, yeah.....:funny:

SO, Dad has his first appointment at an outpatient facility for therapy....... you already know where this is going, right?

I get him in there and there is one woman in the waiting room... the quiet waiting room... the one that is SO quiet, you can hear crickets chirping... THAT waiting room. So dad sits in the chair and we are registering.. we forgot his prescription AND his medical card.... so that sets the tone. Dad is giving his information.. and then ... THEN... THEN!!!!! It starts....( let me just interject right here that I am laughing SOOO hard right now, I can hardly answer the phone here when I "work". :funny: )

Bfft. Bffttt! Bft...Bftttt!! BFFFFFTTTTT! (Here is where I say NO GOD!!) I forgot to mention that another gentleman had come into the waiting room... the plot THICKENS.....( I am screaming with laughter right now... uproarious laughter!!!!!)
.... I am am absolutely MORTIFIED! :bootyshake: Dear God STOP THIS NOW... while we can still recover .....damage control, you know!
( I might have to finish this post at home, I can't control myself!!.. I will do what I can....)
So... where was I ? OH yea, BFFT...b..b..bbb....bbffftt!!!!! By now, I am having an intense conversation with God inside my head asking him to PLEASE slip my soul quietly out the top of my head NOW.. please GOD....:redface:
It has now escalated into a barrage of rapid-fire flatulence!!!!....not unlike a machine gun of sorts....( I am falling down laughing here.. I have to control myself! We are having a fire drill in 15 minutes!! urple: )

Let me tell you, if you had two GUYS been in that waiting room... they would have looked at each other and busted a gutt laughin'!!!

I was standing there frozen with embarrassment... trying desperately to Astral Project myself to some place like Cinncinnatti or something...I am just saying Dear God let it STOPPPP!!!!
FINALLY.. .silence... crickets once again. I was afraid to move... what do you do now? How can you recoup after a show like that??!! Damage control was simply insurmountable..... I didn't know if I should bust out laughing or cry. :?
I closed my eyes tight and clenched my fists.. I tried to do that teleporting thing that they used to do on StarTrek.. that sparkly disappearing thing??...I didn't work.

Dad didn't skip a beat, literally and figuratively... he pretended he didn't hear a thing. Everyone else did the same, including myself, but I know.. sure as the sun's gonna shine.. the MINUTE they got outta there.. they called SOMEONE on their cell phones... it was THAT good !!!urple: .. or bad?

These are the days I have now.. days like this.. don't get me wrong.. I will take dad any day... rippin' em or not! I am glad he survived his stroke and I guess I am glad for whatever the day may bring! p0p

As we were leaving, after his evaluation, the receptionist pulled us aside and politely asked us to NEVER RETURN. HA! No she didn't! GOTCHA! 8) She was protected by that bullet proof glass box she was behind.. I don't think she heard a peep.

I swear these adventures are all true... all of my crazy adventures are 100% true... so what is it with guys and flatulence? You don't see women pulling those stunts.. at least not the women I hang with!

I have another little funny story... I will put that in another post... I have to go and get myself together. I just crack myself up some days.... :funny:

 

[TWDJ]

You might as well ask why we like The Three Stooges, Benny Hill or action movies. I don't know. Might be the disconnect that has us confusing grunts and prehistoric noises with actual communication.

That said, there was an episode of The Drew Carey show where someone had dubbed in flatulant noises into an instructional video he'd made for his employer ... I almost stopped breathing I was laughing so hard. For the record, so was my wife!

Seriously, so glad to hear your dad is on the mend. It's a long road and his sense of humor, no matter how "noisy" it may be, will be critical.

 

[B'ham Jeeper]

I am so glad you're back and your dad is doing so well!

I sure have missed your stories and today's was just what I needed at work. urple:

I am sitting here with tears in my eyes knowing exactly what you are going through and knowing I'm not the only one with "older" parents...:rofl:

 

[Red Neckerson]

Yes indeed!
There are 4 of us guys that work together in our dept. and there are times when we get to chuckling so hard everyone else comes to see what is going on... but they quickly leave! Must be a guy thing!

Also glad to here that your father is doing better. I agree with TWDJ, a sense of humor is key.

 

[TerryMason]

There's no way I could let one rip and pretend I didn't hear it. That's the best part - to just pretend nothing happened!

 

[jps4jeep]

Show Pride in your smell.... Unless a dog is near and just blame Fido.

 

[90Xjay]

OK, let it be recorded, that I did not start this topic, I was led into it...


Funny story: (to me)

A coworker walked into a room where I had just let a bad one and it was obvious. He asked if someone had farted.....DUH!

I said that nobody had farted, but I had just sprayed some colon-scented air freshener.

 

[B'ham Jeeper]

Like you said...I didn't start this. But I really hate walking into the elevator after someone has let one rip then your stuck!

 

[cewtwo]

I had a coworker that was horrible about it. We would inspect buildings at night. Then, in an airlock or an express elevator, Pffffttt!

I took to carrying a nose plug with me...

 

[TwistedCU]

Like you said...I didn't start this. But I really hate walking into the elevator after someone has let one rip then your stuck!

I look for elevators when I have gas. If you're gonna share it with someone, do it right I say :lol:

Nothing like a nice loud rip as the doors are closing. Now that's something to take pride in and the panic on others' faces is priceless

 

[jay79cj7]

I like to do drive-bys at work... Silently sneak by somebody's cube and let 'er go. Slip away before they know you were there. Hilarious!

 

[dropseys]

I cut a nasty silent but deadly one in a car ride in MA a while back, luckily I got to blame it on the garbage truck we were near at the time. It worked great until 20 minutes later when I did it again and there was nothing to blame it on. I couldn't control myself and busted out laughing thinki9ng about how they all believed the first excuse and got caught.